Spirit And Truth

"Jesus declared, "Believe me, woman, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. 22You Samaritans worship what you do not know; we worship what we do know, for salvation is from the Jews. 23Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. 24God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth." John 4:21-24

I have to admit that I'm having a tough time with this one. I didn't realize I was having a tough time with it though, until recently. It's easy to me to worship in truth. The music starts going and I can instantly be in worship mode and I can worship and praise all day long. But the worshipping in spirit... I'm struggling with a bit. To worship in spirit, one really has to let go. You have to just let your mind go and focus on just one thing- focus on God and worshipping and praising Him. And for some reason, I have not been able to completely let go, and it's bothering me, to be frank.

It was said best this past weekend when the speaker said "some of you think too much." I think that's my problem, I do think too much. I try to understand what I am feeling and what is going on, and I think that's totally getting in the way of my complete worship. I think too much, and honestly? I think that there is a part of me that still gets concerned with what other people think. Really? I think about when I was in high school Biology class...

I had been staying up late a few nights in a row, and one day we had a filmstrip in class. (Yes, a real filmstrip!) I was so tired, and as I set my head down on my arms to watch the filmstrip that was being shot right over my head, you know I totally fell asleep. A few minutes later, I hear laughing, and I shot up, as the teacher had turned the projector so it was pointing right at me... yeah... it was totally humiliating and embarrassing.

So pair that with the fact that when I pray at night, I usually don't have any trouble falling asleep shortly thereafter. In fact, I know many times I fall asleep mid-prayer, and I know I've heard many people say that if you have trouble sleeping at night you should try praying, it works every time.

I guess this is going to sound lame, now that I'm typing it all out, but in all seriousness, I'm afraid that I'm going to close my eyes, worship God, fall asleep, and start snoring and drooling all over the place. I have such a difficult time closing my eyes and praying for any period of time, that apparently, that high school experience in Biology class traumatized me more than I thought it did.

So I've been praying on this a lot, because I really don't want to care what other people think. I just want to be able to let my hair down and do what God wants me to do without thinking about those around me. And I don't know what else I can do except pray about it, and try....really try to just let go and worship in spirit. I think I'm improving, but I'm just not there, and until I'm there, I think my soul won't be happy. My spirit wants to worship, I just have to figure out how to remove the blockage of my physical self.