After His Heart

"Now devote your heart and soul to seeking the LORD your God." 1 Chronicles 22:19

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts." Psalm 139:23


I know I've posted this song before, but we sang it last night at church, and it spoke right into the very core of my being in a big way. Even listening to it this morning is giving me goosebumps, so I thought I'd share a bit about why it's doing that, because it makes me smile.

Over the past few weeks I've hinted at changes and decisions to be made here on the blog, but I haven't shared specifically what's been going on. I guess I can share more of what's been going on. A few days ago I shared that a huge decision had been made by Andy and I, and that huge decision was indeed a tough one to make. We've come into agreement that God has something more for our family, but it's not to be where we are. In essence, we are preparing to move. We had originally planned on staying right where we are for much longer, but over the last year, our hearts have slowly but surely been turning southward and out of the small community where we are currently living. I'll admit that we suspected this might happen when we started attending a church that was 40 miles south of us, but what I didn't expect was how intense the feelings in my heart would become.

I want to be closer to our church home for many reasons, really. It would be much easier for Andy and I to help out with different things within the church if we lived closer. He's helped out with a few projects here and there, but it's really difficult for him to give up that time to go do them- it's a full hour in the car to go both directions. When I have worship practice on a Saturday, I'm not just giving up a few hours, I'm giving up a few hours plus a whole hour of drive time. And then there's the precious fellowship aspect, we simply don't do it much. We can't just pop out for ice cream after church Wednesday nights because we have a bit of a drive, and the kids are already tired and ready for bed. And more than anything right now, I think that Andy and I are really, really missing our small group that we hosted for years, and we want to be able to do that again. Right now, that's pretty impossible as we live so far from those we would fellowship with.

At the same time though, we still have friends and family here in this small town, and when I think about moving away from some of these friends, I get a little choked up. We may not see them often, but our dearest friends are here- the people we know we can call on if ever we need them. We're certainly praying that somehow we manage to continue these friendships as we move farther away.

The point of today's post though, is not to talk about our impending move really, or the reasons for and against it. But the point is that when I came to the conclusion that a move might actually be happening, I started looking for the best place to move to. As I've been looking at available places, I've been quickly discarding those with only 3 bedrooms, and those that are listed as duplexes, because that's our current situation, and let me just say this: I'm tired of listening to neighbors through the wall. So I've been looking for better than what we are in now, and really haven't been finding it in the areas that we are looking. We have time, so I'm not stressing about it, but at the same time, it would be nice to have an idea where we're going...

But then last night, oh, last night was so sweet. We had a wonderful family church over the weekend, but I sure did miss our home church. It felt so good to be worshiping with our church family. We happened to sing one of my favorite songs last night, and then we started in on the one I posted above. And as I was singing the words "I am after your heart, I'm after you." I felt...something. And I realized something very important, that our move, our moving south isn't about us. It's not about us moving on to something better and living in a better home than the one we have now. It's about moving to where God wants us to. I have always said that when we move out of this house, it's going to be for something spectacular to get us to go through the moving process. And last night, that thought was completely shattered, and honestly? I don't care that much about what we move into. I care some, as an apartment is clearly not at all for us, but if we end up in another duplex, similar to what we have now, I am going to thank God for that, because in the end, what we want is to be in our precious Fox Valley. We want to be where God wants us, and if that's in a farmhouse in the country with land, we will rejoice and be glad. But if God wants us in a duplex in a city neighborhood, we will rejoice in that as well. I can rest in knowing that wherever we end up, it is going to be EXACTLY where God wants us.

That's what's giving me goosebumps this morning, because I'm not just saying all this yada yada about not caring where we move to. I realized last night in my heart that I meant it when I sang those words "I'm after your heart". I want what God wants for my family, and I know He's preparing the very place where we will be living, and I'm so excited for Him to reveal it to us. It's going to be a sweet ride over the next few months, and all along, the ultimate goal will creep forward as well- and that is to know God more, and know what He has for us.