Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Quiet Waters

"The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,

3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever." Psalm 23

Last night around the dinner hour, I was called away for an emergency meeting at Zander's preschool. It wasn't good news, as the state has ordered the preschool to close this week due to some weird random license issue that doesn't even apply. Everyone was pretty upset at this meeting, understandably, and the whole time I'm thinking about how much Zander has loved going to preschool, and how much he has grown up while there- the little things he's learned. Like last week, I offered him something to eat and instead of his normal turning up the nose or being a little boy about it, he very politely just said "no thank you." Barring a miracle or an intervention of some kind, it looks like this will unexpectedly be Zander's last week at preschool- missing out on a full two months. I was so saddened last night, and I was also upset about it. It just isn't fair, to be honest. It's not fair to all those kids who enjoy preschool every day. It's certainly not fair to the parents who have entrusted their children's kindergarten readiness to this program, and it's especially not fair to the sweet woman who runs the program. She's done nothing wrong and is being threatened with charges and fines and losing her teaching license. The whole thing is just awful and surreal.

So last night, I was lying in bed, tired from the day, but I wasn't sleeping, because I just couldn't stop thinking about this, and I was talking to God a lot about it, asking him to intervene and make it right. And he very well may do that. But while I was lying there, I had almost a sense of warmth about me, and my thoughts stilled and then I thought, there must be a reason for this. God always has a reason. And while in my mind I conjured up all sorts of scenarios where it is better that Zander is not at preschool, the reality is that I don't have a clue what the reason could be, but there is a reason. And I trust God with that. I trust that God has a reason for what is going on. Once I thought on that for a little while, I told God that I was okay with that, that it was his reasoning, his plan, and whatever his plan was, I was going to reconcile my heart to that.

Instantly, the turmoil I was feeling inside quieted, I felt peaceful, and while I am still sad about the whole thing, and my heart is breaking for all those involved, I feel like I have been led beside those quiet waters. I woke up this morning and went straight to Psalm 23 and it just felt so right for how I feel this morning. I'm certainly not done praying about this situation, but we are preparing for what we need to prepare for. Zander seems okay with the idea that this could be his last week at preschool, and I pray that all the kids have taken the news as easily and are not upset about it. I'm going to constantly wonder what God's purpose here is, and the truth is, I may never know, but that's okay. I don't need to know, and I don't need to keep asking God to tell me the truth about what is going on. Because I trust in him completely, and all things work together for the good of those who believe in him.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

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