all the days of her life." Proverbs 31:12
"She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue. " Proverbs 31:16
"The wise woman builds her house,
but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down." Proverbs 14:1
The other day I shared how I need to keep being reminded (gently, of course) that my ministry is right here in my home. Over the last few days though, I was again reminded, that my ministry is not just to my children and taking care of the home I live in. And to me, this is probably the most difficult one to remember, and that is that my ministry is also to my husband. It can be so easy to get so wrapped up in the children and cleaning, and taking care of the day to day that I forget that my husband is a vital part of what God has for me as my ministry. See, I can remember that God is always doing a work in me, and that He's working on me for one reason or another, but it's easy to forget that he's also working on Andy. And it's even easier to forget sometimes that as the head of the household, he likely has a harder time of it. Particularly when I'm probably contributing to his problems by complaining or whining.
But there are a few things that I've been working on to help better honor my husband. The number one thing that I've been working on for some time is that I try to never speak something bad about my husband. Whether it's chatting online or talking with a person, I make the conscious effort to not join in the constant stream of "husband bashing" that the rest of the world seems to find acceptable. If I have a complaint with him, I take it to him, not to the neighbors or family or strangers on a bulletin board. Because I believe that every time I speak something poorly of him to another person, that other person will believe what I say as the truth, and that one person may look at him differently, and think him less than he is. And yes, that can be very hard sometimes. Instead, when I am involved in a conversation where women are talking about their husbands, I will either walk away and do something else, or I will interject my saying something good about Andy. I'll mention how he recently built me a new bookcase, or cleaned the van for me, or spent several hours on the floor playing cars with Zander. It's amazing how that just quiets everybody.
The facts are that Andy is a great dad and a great husband, and God put him where he is for a reason. As his wife, his partner and help meet, it's my job, and my ministry to run his household smoothly for him to make his life easier, and it's also my ministry to help lift him up. When he's having a rough day, I know when the perfect moment is to send Abigail to him for some snuggle time, or to share a dream I had, just something to raise his spirits. Another important part of my ministry to my husband is to be in God's Word. As a stay-at-home mom, I have much more opportunity to pick up my Bible than my working husband does. By staying open to what God has to say every day, I never know when what He says to me may be specifically for my husband. As he is out working or trying to save the world, I have the time to be at home, doing my work, and talking to God on his behalf. And that's a really important part of my ministry, to pray for my husband daily. I never know what kind of challenges or attacks he may encounter while out in the world, and it's my job to keep him at the forefront of my mind, and pray often and fervently. I believe that's one of the reasons God gave women the ability to multi-task, otherwise we'd never get anything done! Instead, I can fold eight loads of laundry and put them away, all while interceding and chatting with God.
See, as God's been working on me, how much more is He working on my husband? My ministry is to try and make God's work a little easier, to help keep my husband's spirit open to what the Holy Spirit has for him. I can't do that if I'm complaining and tearing him down all the time. When he walks in the door after a long day at work, the last thing he wants to hear is all the problems we had during the day. Sure, he wants to know what went on, but it would be so easy for me to work myself up into a lather with all the bad that may have gone on- the news alone could fuel that one! Instead, we focus on the good. We talk about the kids, and what they accomplished today, we talk about something I read in the Bible, or an e-mail from someone. We focus on the good, and try really hard to not give voice to the bad.
I know in my heart of hearts that God has plans for my husband. And I suspect they are big ones. I suspect that all these years of getting used to him traveling for work are not for naught, and I just pray that God will continue to work on me so that I can help him to get where he needs to be. And I pray that he will continue to be open to what God has to say to him, and that he will be obedient to every word. I also pray for the wisdom that is needed to help him be obedient, and that I will not be a stumbling block. Rather, I pray for the knowledge and wisdom to continue to build him up and encourage, and not to tear him down.
"Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest
is my lover among the young men.
I delight to sit in his shade,
and his fruit is sweet to my taste.
4 He has taken me to the banquet hall,
and his banner over me is love." Song of Solomon 2:3,4
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