Reliance on The Holy Spirit

"This is why I remind you to fan into flames the spiritual gift God gave you when I laid my hands on you. 7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:6-7

"And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love." Romans 5:5

As I read these verses this morning, they certainly have me wondering about myself. If God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity- why on earth am I afraid sometimes, and why do I feel so timid at times! I'll tell you why. Because the enemy likes to whisper in my ear that if I share that word with that person they will mock me and scorn me and hate me. It's the enemy who encourages me not to say something because I am afraid I might offend.

I've been discovering lately though that I have the tools within me to share the right words at the right time, and when I feel like I should share them, I should! I need to learn to rely on the Holy Spirit at all times, to allow Him to guide my mouth and my words. The Holy Spirit has filled my heart with love- he will not allow what comes out to reflect anything but love. He is a spirit of self-discipline, He will help me to know when to close my mouth and stop speaking. When I think of all the times I have just sat on the words that wanted to roll off my tongue... I wonder now what would have happened had I relied on the Holy Spirit instead. Would I have changed someones heart or ideas for the better? I'll never know now, but I know for the times ahead of me.

I was just twelve years old when I was baptised in the Holy Spirit. I was baptised in the Spirit before I was even baptised in water. And while I began speaking in tongues, and would use that prayer language from time to time, I think I don't think I ever really knew what that meant for me. Obviously, because I slid through my last year of high school like I was vapor. I didn't have a single friend among my classmates-as the timidity won out and I decided to just not care anymore. Had I relied on the Holy Spirit I might not have been the only one in my class who abstained from drinking. And for a time, I set the Holy Spirit on the proverbial shelf. I still remember the very first time I went to a small group at our previous church. One of the people there knew which church I'd grown up in, and asked if I'd learned all about the Holy Spirit there. Of course I had, and when I shared a little about what I knew, I had the feeling that eight pairs of eyes were on me and thought I was an alien. I quickly shut up and never brought it up again- and it was never brought up to me either.

I still don't understand the resistance to the greatest peace that there ever was. And by focusing each and every day on the Holy Spirit, I'm learning that reliance that I so desperately need. I like to think of it as a lifeline- or a virtual cord that connects my spirit to the Holy Spirit directly. That feeding tube that will give me exactly what I need, when I need it. He will give me the words to say when they need to be said. This also works hand in hand with spending more time reading the Bible. Because I can't share the right scriptures if I'm not reading them in the first place. The Holy Spirit is like the best memory ever. If I've read the Bible, and become familiar with it, He will recall to my mind the verses I need, when I need it. It's a team effort- and I have to do my part as well.

I know I have a long way to go, it seems like every day I learn something new, and it's almost...well, it's pretty overwhelming. I am so used to accomplishing things through my own power, and utilizing my own abilities, that placing that trust in the Holy Spirit's power and abilities is tough- really tough. Yet every day, when I feel like I want to give up, when I feel like I really don't want to do this blog anymore, or I just don't want to pick up my Bible, the Holy Spirit gives me that nudge that I need, and there I go. It is a learning process, and I suspect that until the day God calls me to heaven, I still won't have learned all there is to know. I'm determined to try though. I've been at the bottom of the barrel, with no place to go, and I don't wish to ever be in that position again.

It is my prayer this morning that the Holy Spirit will show me something new today, and He will continue to show me something new each and every day.