Conversations With God

"Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting." Psalm 139:23,24

Whoops! See, I tried yesterday to keep myself accountable, and even that failed me. I woke quite early in the morning to go shopping with my family, and so didn't really have time to do a big blogging session. (Well, I could have had I woken earlier I suppose.) So I decided to blog in the evening after getting home. Only, by the time I sat in front of the computer, my brain was simply tired. I didn't want to think about anything, and really only wanted to go to bed. So I did just that. I hope there wasn't anyone waiting on baited breath for me...

Anyway, I read these verses in Psalms this morning and I really had to read them through a few times. And each time I read them, I felt my chest get a little tighter. These are some really bold statements, and some statements of confidence- "search me...test me... and know my thoughts." How are your thoughts? Could you say that to God?

When I was a child, I hated cleaning my room more than anything. Yet it was always messy, so it seemed I was always cleaning it. And the grand moment would come where I could vacuum the floor and call mom to tell her the room was clean. And as she walked in the room for the examination, I was sweating bullets, just praying that she wouldn't lift the bed skirt and see everything that I'd stuffed under the bed. It was such a nice day outside, and I wanted to go out, if only she would miss...inevitably, she always looked, and I was always set to finishing my task properly. I was always found out.

If I were to turn to God and say, "go ahead, check it out," would there be an under-the-bed hiding spot? Would there be a closet that I would be sweating bullets over, hoping with all hopes that he wouldn't see it? Yet, I know that hiding anything from God is impossible. He knows my thoughts already, is inviting Him in asking for trouble? But then I look at verse 24, and at says- paraphrasing, mind you- "see if there is anything offensive, and show me how to get rid of it." It seems to me that makes the idea of inviting God in a bit easier. Help me get rid of that which is unpleasing to you. Help me to rid myself of that vice, that problem, that bad language that seeps in from time to time. Show me how to not curse at the other drivers, and show me how to look at the world with eyes of compassion, not eyes of contempt. God can do all that, but first, he needs to be invited in.

We need to stop sweating over what God might find in there, because, let's face it, he already knows it. He knows what keeps us up at night, he knows those secret problems we deal with. But by giving them to him, giving him full access to our lives and asking him to show us a way out, we're only taking that step that he so wants for us. God loves us and wants us to want Him so much, that we're willing to rid ourselves of everything unclean that would keep us from His presence.

"Oh, that their hearts would be inclined to fear me and keep all my commands always, so that it might go well with them and their children forever!" Deuteronomy 5:29

I need to remember that I live for God and God alone. That fear, the fear of... I don't know, the fear of the unknown? If I fear God and God alone, I can be afraid of nothing else. And if I do fear God alone, and remember that I serve God and not man, then I might be more inclined and able to follow the example of David and say "okay God, come on in and make yourself comfortable. And while you're in there, get rid of that garbage." Yet that's a really difficult step to take. I worry about far too much, and I worry about what others think far too much. I need God's help to deal with that. I need the Holy Spirit to break down that wall, that barrier that's keeping me from seeing what God has for me. God loves me and wants nothing but the best for me. I pray today that He will help me break these barriers, that He will help me make the changes necessary to welcome Him in completely.

"Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good.
His love endures forever" Psalm 136:1