If You Can't Say Something Nice...

"Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD;
keep watch over the door of my lips." Psalm 141:3

We've all heard that saying before, "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all." (Or something along those lines.) The thing is, it's absolutely true. I have been thinking for some time on this verse and other similar ones, because they really are true, and I have been trying to watch what I say. For the most part. The thing is, this isn't just talking about the words we say directly to another person. At least for me, it's easy to not say something hurtful directly to a person, it's just not part of my nature to be a mean person. But it's the words I may say about another person that I need to be watchful about.

Sometimes that can be easy too. At least it's easier now. A while back our small group decided to put a moratorium on gossip. We found ourselves doing quite a bit of it, and as a result, our time together didn't feel right all the time. I'll tell you though, as soon as we all decided as a group that our time together was going to refrain from gossiping, our time got sweeter. First of all, because we weren't spending more time talking about other people, we got closer to each other by sharing our hearts, and secondly, we drew closer to God, because we were doing what he wanted and we were focusing on Him and on the companionship we'd found with our group. In a group setting, it's easier to declare gossip off-limits because we have each other to be accountable to. When the conversation starts to turn a little gossipy, we have no qualms about calling each other out on it. It's when we're not in a group that I struggle with the gossip and saying negative things about other people.

Particularly when Andy and I are talking. Let me say that it's perfectly natural to have disagreements about other people, and it's also perfectly normal and fine to share those frustrations and complaints with your spouse. Andy love that at the end of the day, we have each other to share our day with. But sometimes our conversation will take a shift and we'll both find ourselves focusing on one particular person or situation and we'll be going on and on about the negative and about why we think that person or group is wrong. And we feed off of each other. That's the thing, and the big problem for us. I'll mention a complaint about someone or something, and then he'll add to it by telling me this, that, or the other thing. And then we'll continue in that fashion, and before you know it, we're full our bashing someone or something, and that really hadn't been our intent in the first place. And then sometimes we'll get so caught up in that that we aren't focusing on anything else. Prayer time goes out the window because we're so bothered and stewed up about this other situation. And let me assure you of one important thing here. The enemy sees this.

And he'll use this in any way that he can. There is nothing he wants more than to see a child of God hurt another and cause problems. And the enemy sees our frustrations with individuals and situations and he'll do everything in his power to stick that knife in deeper. That is why we need to be so careful with what we say- and even what we think. When we dwell on those negatives and lump a whole bunch of negatives together to cause a real problem (at least in our eyes) the enemy will use that to his advantage.

Instead, we need to be mindful of what we are saying and thinking. Instead of feeding off of each other as Andy and I do, maybe we need to stop our "vent sessions" altogether. We are being taught today that the occasional venting is okay, and I've certainly been known to let off steam at one time or another, but that venting will always come back to hurt someone. Instead of going on and on about a situation or a person, we need to stop and pray. We need to commit that person or thing to our prayer time, and pray for God to bless them instead of wishing them ill.

And so today I am committing the verse above right into the inner core of my being. May the Holy Spirit bring those words to mind if I even think about saying something I shouldn't. May he guard my mouth- and my mind.