Falling...

"And he went a little farther, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt." Matthew 26:39

In church we sing a song called "Hungry" which has a line that goes like this: "I'm falling on my knees, offering all of me, Jesus, you're all this heart is living for."

In both the song, as well as scripture, we see examples of falling before the Lord. Jesus, at his most desperate hour, fell on his face, he fell prone before His Father and asked for intervention. We don't see it so much in America, but in other cultures, bowing, prostrating, and kneeling are all signs of respect- they are actions given to an elder, superior, or a member of royalty. Why shouldn't we do the same for our God? When we go before him with our petitions- with our requests and our needs, why wouldn't we show Him respect and fall before Him? Well, I'll tell you why, because we are proud people. Most often, we have a hard time letting go of ourselves and giving our all to God.

I will tell you, in my most intimate times with God, there is always a piece of me that doesn't want to let go. I will have my eyes closed, and I'll be spending time in prayer and reflection, and every once in a while, I'll just open my eyes and peek around, really and truthfully, checking to make sure that I'm not falling asleep. I just feel a sense of peace and tranquility when I'm having my quiet time, yet, because it's at the end of the day, and I am tired from being busy, I worry about falling asleep on God. But really, that's rationalization for not completely letting go. Even the most intense experience I ever had...I was peeking my eyes open and making sure I was still me and where I wanted to be.

I guess there's that part of me that wants to be in control yet. I can talk all I want about quiet time with God and doing what He wants from me, but am I really? Am I really if I can't fall before him? I often think to myself that I need to keep that one piece of my mind focused on home, because I have babes sleeping upstairs, and what if they should wake and need their mom. Yet... if I truly was focusing on God and spending time in His presence, wouldn't they just continue to sleep through the night? There's just that little piece of me that is having a hard time letting go. I really think that I've come so far...but I'm still not where I need to be. I wonder if that is the essence of the Christian walk. There's always another level to get to, another step of intimacy to be reached, and if we ever feel content and complacent, that should be the red flag that we've stalled. We should never be satisfied with where we are in our walk, we should always want more.

And that's where I am. I should want more. I know what that more is. But it's another step, another leap of faith, and am I really there already?

Jesus was a man while He was on this earth, and even He fell before the Lord. He knew he was the Son of God, and knew His father well, and even Jesus fell down and humbled himself, and worshipped the Lord from the lowest position he could get to. Jesus is always an example that we can turn to and learn from. I just need the courage to take that step. To truly fall before the Lord and give Him my all.