A Little Angry Today

Did you know that you can get angry with God? Sure thing. Sure as I'm standing here, you can get angry with God sometimes. And that's okay. Think about it, you get angry with your children, your parents, your friends perhaps. And isn't God like a father? And like a friend? And most importantly, in this relationship that I have with God, it's important to be honest. And quite honestly I'm angry. I've been angry, but today I just woke up with some vinegar in my spirit or something. Because I read this verse today, and it made me angry. (Which is not a normal reaction to this verse.)

"Then Jesus said to his disciples: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. 23Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. 24Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!" Luke 12:22-24

I'm angry, because as a mom, this verse is not working out for me right now. Andy's job is awful, and that's one reason I'm angry. He had to leave to work out of town this week in a job that is awful to him, and doesn't pay him well. Every day we fall further and further behind in our bills as he isn't making enough to cover our bills. Simple things like gas and groceries have become luxuries for us. For real. And I know that God has provided the food we do have- the pantry that still is going strong, the freezer full of food, but there's only so many things you can do with a bag of frozen pumpkin or frozen zucchini. And when your son comes up to you and tells you he's hungry and would like a snack, it sure would be nice to be able to offer him a piece of fruit or some craisins that he really likes. And that right the there is the crux of what makes me angry. I have no problems learning to live on less and learning to do without, but when it affects my children it makes me so angry and mad. Yesterday the kids wanted to go play outside in the snow. I had to squeeze poor Zander's feet into last year's boots because we haven't been able to buy him any this year yet. And I certainly don't foresee being able to anytime soon. I've had to already talk with Abigail about how there won't be very many presents this year, and surprisingly, she seems okay with that. But then she asked when we were going to take some presents to the place for other kids who need them. How sweet is that!

You know, I can make do as much as possible. I can live with less clothes in my closet and less extravagant food on the table, but it's really, really unfair that God sticks us in the middle of this trial just as my kids need sweaters. And Zander goes through a growth spurt and needs new pants and new shoes because his are falling apart. And my wonderful children don't complain about the fact that they're wearing the same few sweaters over and over. I love that about them, they are wonderful children. And that makes all this even worse. They deserve to not have a care in the world yet. They deserve to have their heart's desires come Christmas. So God, this sucks. You can turn things around anytime now because I've had enough. I really don't need to learn this lesson over and over. And it's really, really awful that we've put so much work into repairing our credit and paying off bad debt, and here we are, after so much time of being good stewards, here we are avoiding the phone because we don't know who might be calling for their money that we don't have.

So you can get going on your promises now God. Because I've had enough.

"And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19