"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13
The more I place my trust in God, the more peace I have about different situations. It's really remarkable to look at myself, to analyze myself and see the complete and total difference that trusting in God makes. But I do think it's those first few steps that are the most difficult to make. I can actually look back over the last two years specifically, and see the precise moments where I said okay to God. I can very clearly see the day that I sat at my computer wrestling with myself over whether or not to log on and check out a revival that was happening somewhere else. I had been invited to watch, to check it out, and I really wrestled with it for a few weeks, because I wasn't sure I wanted to get in that deep.
I was kind of happy with where life was. We were comfortable, happy, and God was a presence in our life, and we thought that was enough. But there was something in me that was crying out for more. Every once in a while, we'd get a glimpse of what more was. We'd go on a weekend away and visit what we lovingly call our "church away from home" and we'd feel recharged and energized and ready to get back to the everyday. As I sat at the computer and debated checking this thing out, I just felt this war within myself, like if I tuned in, even that little bit of action was going to change everything. That the walls I had up were going to come crashing down, and the Holy Spirit that I had placed in a tidy little box was going to break free and do something. Did I really want to go there? Did I really want our comfortable life disturbed?
I chose to trust. I chose to trust that God put that invitation there just when I needed it most. I chose to trust that if this was something that God didn't want me to participate in, that I would find it dull, turn it off and never think twice about it. I chose to trust that perhaps, God had more for us than just a comfortable everyday life, and on that particular day I trusted that I needed to click yes. I did. And I've never, ever looked back with regret. It was like meeting God for the first time as an adult- reminiscent of the days of summer camp, when you come home feeling all on fire and excited for God, only to go back into high school and hear the stories of the beer parties and overnights and everything else under the sun. Except that this time, that excitement and zeal stayed and God has been leading us on a whirlwind ever since.
Had all this happened even five years ago, where I am exactly today would have me freaking out at best. I would be getting shorter and shorter with dealing with the kids, Andy and I would be on edge with each other, and we would simply let the distractions of the world around us get to us and cause us strife. The biggest difference is that along the way, along this path that we've chosen to say yes to, we've learned to trust in God for all things. All things!
"O Sovereign LORD, you are God! Your words are trustworthy, and you have promised these good things to your servant." 2 Samuel 7:28
The more I seek Him, the more I find Him!
"Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you." Psalm 9:10
And we trust in God's unfailing love for us, and He will take care of us and meet all our needs exactly when we need them met!
"But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation." Psalm 13:5
The Psalms are chock full of verses about love and trust. With each step of trust that we've taken with God, our peace has increased tenfold. God is just so good! And I believe that with all my heart! I watch in awe as He takes care of those around us with perfect circumstances that could only come from Him, and it makes me rejoice- because how good is our God! He cares for the sparrows- feeding them, and he knows exactly how many sparrows there are in our neighborhood- and yet- how much more does He care for and know us!
It's no secret that we're waiting on finding the perfect place to move to in just over a month. And one would think that we're getting a little crazy and nervous about the whole situation. And honestly, if I dwell on it and think heavy on it, the enemy uses that and places these thoughts into my head that it's not going to work out like we want it to. So I don't think on it too much. I pray on it, and when people ask we talk about it, but I've just given my complete trust to God on this one. That when the perfect place is ready, He will guide us to it, and it will be there exactly when we need it.
As this process goes on though, I've been thinking about my list of desires when it comes to our new home. I have my list, and Andy has his list of what we are looking for. You know, the list of improvements over our current place that will get us to make that move in the first place. But last night... last night as I left church, I looked at the line of houses just a few feet away from church and I thought about how cool it would be to be able to walk across the backyard to church. How much more would we be able to do for our church home if we lived closer. I thought to myself that maybe one of these days we'd go drive around through that neighborhood and see if any of the places there are available for rent. Looking from the outside, there are several rentals, but they are definitely smaller than what we have right now.
But you know what? When I got home from church, I went on and looked at the rental listings, and sure enough, there was a place on that very street- what are the odds of that? Yet it is much smaller in size than what we have now. I didn't feel at all this nudge to contact this person about their place, but I placed the thought in the back of my mind, thinking to myself that if the time comes and it's still available, we'd make do.
The whole point of this is this. I am trusting completely in God. God knows exactly where we are going to be two months from now. But it's more than that. I desire, with all my heart to be exactly where God wants us to be. We know the area He is calling us to, and we so desire to be there, that it's to the point to me where if He told us to move into an apartment building- I would do it. I would give up a backyard and a garden and the idea of not sharing bathroom walls with the neighbor, if only it meant that we were doing what He wants for us. Oh, I can desire all these wonderful things and ideas for my family, and God knows I want them, but so much more than that, because I've learned that I can trust in Him, if He says "Go" we will go. More than anything I want to be the obedient daughter who goes exactly where her Father says to go. And if that means living in the projects, it means living in the projects.
More than anything, I want His will to be carried out for us. So much more than anything else my heart desires, I want that. And I have such peace about that, that it will be His Will, and that His Will will not bring us harm and it will be oh, so wonderful. My Bible is full of God's promises, and examples of how he brings good to those who love Him, and I place my trust completely in that. And my reward will be great peace and great joy. Joy unspeakable.
"Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy," 1 Peter 1:8
"I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." Psalm 91:12