Thursday, December 10, 2009

Praying For Your Husband

"She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life." Proverbs 31:12

The other day I posted about praying for my children, and tucked within that post I also mentioned the idea of praying for future spouses. I had someone shoot me a little e-mail that basically said that was something they had never even thought of before- the idea of praying for someone that you would meet in the future.

That simply made me smile, because now that I'm thinking about it, it is just so true. Whether you are a parent praying for the future spouses for your children, or if you're a single adult- wondering when love will strike true. As a single adult, probably one of the absolute best things you could start doing right now is to start praying for your spouse. They're out there somewhere, waiting for the right moment when you'll be brought together. How cool is that? How cool is it to think that you are praying for the person that you will spend the rest of your life with?

It's also so incredibly important too, to continue praying as life goes on. I think that sometimes young marrieds forget that. They spend time as a young adult praying for that special person to come into their life, and then when they finally do- the prayers stop. Yet we see right here in Proverbs that we should be praying for our spouse all the days of our lives. It should be our charge to ourselves that we pray for our mate daily. We should pray prayers of protection, we should pray prayers of safety and prayers for wisdom and guidance. As a woman, I find myself often praying that my husband would receive revelation and guidance from God. Many of the household decisions we make come down to him, and I have to trust that He is hearing from God when it comes to these important matters.

What's interesting about this, is that as I am praying for him to receive the answers, I can actually feel a burden lifting off of me. I am at home every day, caring for and raising our children, so all the matters of the household really fall to me. I am the one who physically takes care of things while my husband is out on the world working to pay the bills. A lot of decisions I make because it affects our day-to-day, but the big decisions, we make those together. And they can really weigh on me and affect my day. Like the decision to move. I weighed that decision of whether or not to move for months- and it really affected me. I was thinking about it all the time, and then when I finally started praying about it, and then talked to Andy about it, the ownership of that decision transferred to him. Because he is a man of faith, and I trust that he spends time with God daily, I know that the answers for our family will likely come to him and he will know what is best for us. It's so wonderful how this partnership works, because once I was free of that worry, I could focus on what was more important to me and running the household daily. Stress can be such a terrible thing!

I keep that in mind when things begin to weigh me down in my thoughts. Often times, that really just means that I need to talk to God about it, and then I need to talk to my husband about it. Then we can both be praying on something and thinking about something. I think way back before we had Zander in our lives. Abigail was not-quite-three, and I had a burning sense that I wanted another child. As anyone who's made this decision knows that it is a very serious one- the decision to bring a child into this world usually changes everything. I prayed about this one for quite some time, and then felt the time was right to mention it to Andy. He promised to think and pray on it, and it really didn't take long for God to assure him that this was the right thing- and not long afterwards we were blessed with the most wonderful little boy who will someday do great things for the Kingdom of God. And while we're at a point now in our family where we think our family is where it needs to be, if someday, God tells Andy that there are to be more little ones... (well, actually Andy may argue with God about that one for a while)... then I'm sure my husband will heed the words of God. But that all comes back to me praying for my husband. I pray for him daily, and I trust that he spends time with God daily, and so I have an assurance, a comfort, that if Andy were to ever come to some important decision that those decisions are from the Lord, and that many a prayer has been uttered about it.

"She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life." Proverbs 31:12

I think as long as I'm talking about this verse today, that I also need to take it another direction. We can easily see how praying for your husband all the days of our lives benefits both people in a marriage situation. But what about the very words that come out of your mouth? Maybe they're words that you use when you're with your girlfriends, commiserating about the crazy things your husband does. Or maybe they are words that come out of your mouth directly to your husband. Our words can have such power- such meaning when it comes to another person.

"This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live" Deuteronomy 30:19

I have a post for the near future about the affect that blessings and curses can have on someone. But for today, I just want to dip my toe in and say that as Godly wives, we really need to watch what we say about and to our husbands. When we call them names, we're really cursing them and calling them that which they are not. And how many times can you say those bad names before your husband actually starts to believe them? Think about it. I'm homeschooling my children and I see it firsthand almost daily. When I praise Zander for his math work and tell him he is so smart and does a great job, he works hard and diligently, and proudly. When we have a bad day and I tell him he is being naughty and needs to pay more attention then he squirms in his seat and his math suddenly becomes "too hard" for him. I have learned very, very quickly that praising my son- that telling him good things gets far more accomplished than telling him things that can affect the way he thinks about himself.

Think of the husband who tackles a do-it-yourself project that they maybe shouldn't be tackling. (Ladies, we've all been there- right?) He begins the project with gusto- intent on saving some money by doing it himself, and as it goes on, errors are made, and after a while, he is surrounded by a mess and no clue how to fix that. How do we approach that ladies? Usually, we say some choice words about making poor decisions, complain about the mess, and get a wee bit angry. I know this is easier said than done, but what if we took a second and counted to ten first. While we're counting, we say a quick prayer, asking God for a measure of grace, and then we approach our husbands with honey.

"Pleasant words are a honeycomb,
sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. " Proverbs 16:24

Instead of cursing their bad decisions, we encourage them. Maybe offer to help- offer to run to the library to find a book on this particular repair. I know often times when I approach a problem like this, all we can do in the end is laugh about the mess. But admittedly, more often than not, I'm the angry wife in this scenario- wishing that my husband had listened to me in the first place.

"She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life." Proverbs 31:12

All the days of our life. This is so important on so many levels. In our prayers, in the physical, with our words, and in our thoughts. The more we remember this and consult with God daily, the more difficult of a time we give the devil, who really just wants to see marriages break up. Let's make a decision to thwart those evil schemes, and to approach the role of a wife in a Godly manner.

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