Waking Up

'Wake up, wake up, Deborah!
Wake up, wake up, break out in song' Judges 5:12

"The daughters of Zelophehad son of Hepher, the son of Gilead, the son of Makir, the son of Manasseh, belonged to the clans of Manasseh son of Joseph. The names of the daughters were Mahlah, Noah, Hoglah, Milcah and Tirzah. They approached 2 the entrance to the Tent of Meeting and stood before Moses, Eleazar the priest, the leaders and the whole assembly, and said, 3 "Our father died in the desert. He was not among Korah's followers, who banded together against the LORD, but he died for his own sin and left no sons. 4 Why should our father's name disappear from his clan because he had no son? Give us property among our father's relatives." Numbers 27:1-4

One of the things that I've been talking with God a lot about is boldness. Boldness in everything- boldness to share my faith with those around me, and boldness to gently correct Christians in conversation. I've been asking for boldness to step out of my comfort zone if needed and do whatever it is God will ask me to do. This is tough stuff for me! And I'll tell you why- it's because I am a woman.

You know, once upon a time I had some moxie. I was interesting, and I had ambition. I was always involved in student government in school- middle school, high school, and then on into college, I was president of my organization for a time. I even contemplating running for a state office in that organization. When I joined the workforce, it was with ambition, I was determined to be the youngest store manager in my company- and I was well on my way. Had I stayed at work instead of leaving to stay home with my infant daughter, I would have had my store within the year- along with the six figure income that came with it. I was 22 at the time.

Then I reveled in the joys of motherhood. And wifehood. We had a few bumps along the way as Andy stepped into the role of sole provider, and I stepped into the role of full time mom and wife. But things evened out, and life was wonderful. Eventually, we made the choice to start going to church again, and quickly became comfortable there with what we were doing and what areas we served in. There was no place in any of this for ambition, and quite honestly, it was work enough to care for my family, I didn't need to add to my plate with areas of ministry or service. Being a humble housewife was normal for me very quickly- and in fact, that's what I almost called this blog, The Heart of A Humble Housewife. I had intended to blog a lot about the fact that it was wonderful being at home, and I had plans of sharing my journey of becoming that humble housewife I thought I was meant to be. I thought I knew my place, and where it should be, and that was far from any area of real ministry. Oh, I cleaned the church, because, what else would a woman be more qualified to do? Men were busy ministering and doing the tough jobs, surely I could at least keep the building clean for them. I was happy to be a Martha- being the busy bee to get things done so the more important work could be done by others.

And I've struggled a bit with maintaining this blog. I was even chastised for it once, because normal women don't put their personal feelings out on the internet for everyone to read. It's also been difficult, because I never know who is reading this blog, and for a while I worried about saying the wrong thing to offend someone, or sharing a little too much information about myself that could come back to bite me.

I'm done with all that.

We are in a new age, and a new era, and let me be the first to say that I am not, nor have I ever been a feminist, waging war for women's rights. But I have been feeling a stirring in my heart, and I know that something is about to break free and break open. It's begun by a simple change in my mindset. I am still a woman, and I am still a housewife, but by golly, it's not Martha who I wish to be, it's Mary.

"As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught. But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.”

But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:38-42

Mary sought out her Lord. Mary chose to dwell in the presence of the Lord, and wait. Martha was so concerned with preparing the meal, that she missed what was most important. Mary certainly would have done the same work, had Jesus asked. But she chose to wait until he asked. She chose to spend time in his presence listening for what he might have to say to her.

In addition to Mary, I've been reading about Deborah- one of the great leaders of Israel during the time of the judges. You can read about her in Judges, chapter 4. She was a prophetess, and the leader of Israel for a time- and she was a woman! In a time when women were seen, but not heard from.

The daughters of Zelophehad have also been coming to mind, because they grabbed hold of that boldness after their father died, and stepped forward to claim what was rightfully theirs. A humble woman would have shrunk back and just accepted whatever scraps were available to them. Instead, they marched forward and took an audience with Moses, who took their concerns to God for them. God agreed, and these single women were given that which was usually given to men.

I am just a woman, but I am not going to just sit aside and smile and nod my head and do all the busy work anymore. I am not going to let the mindset of "I am just a woman" keep me from doing anything that God wants me to do. God has a place for me, and a plan for me, and until I stop doing that busy work, and just reside in his presence, like Mary did, I will not hear when He speaks to me. And I will be willing to be a Deborah, or a daughter of Zelophehad if needed. God gave me that ambition in the first place, and while I may need to guard against selfish ambition-

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." Philippians 2:3

that ambition is there nonetheless, deep down, and I daresay that God has been stirring it up as of late. I have no idea where that is going to go, or what it's going to do, but I do know that it is time for me to wake up. I wake, and I wait at his feet, listening for my instructions.